Does it get easier?

The question of the day. Does it get any easier? Time will heal all wounds, this I know. Having him around, not having space.... this keeps the wounds fresh and oozing. 

Most humans are built to be monogamous. That is partnered up... Two people. Living together, loving one another. Not threesomes.  Not foursomes. Not moresomes!

He constantly wants to know why he is so bad. Why he wants two women at the same time? Why he can't have both? I want to know why he is so selfish? Why he has to have both? Why am I not good enough for him?

My thoughts on why he can't have both are:

• Being with her hurts me
• Being with her causes pain and anxiety
• Being with both is not normal
• Being with both is NOT RIGHT!

She thinks I am jealous of her. Maybe a bit. Hurt I am. Angry I am! She should not have crossed that line. A true friend does not entertain such fancies. A true friend shuts that down, walks away, increases space. A true friend does not embrace that which is wrong. 

A little piece has died

Today a little piece of me has died. My heart cannot handle the torment, hurt and anger that's inside.

Come to terms with an open relationship? How about not being in an open relationship. I had given myself fully to my partner and it wasn't enough. I  wasn't enough. Something was missing to cause him to turn into the arms of another woman.

"You are beautiful and sexy" he says. "I love both of you" he says.

Well I don't. I love you and hate you. I hate her. She is as much to blame as you are for this.

To be able to rise, I must burn. Burn from within with fire and passion. Only then can I be reborn. A stronger me, a better me.

As I start this diary to record my feelings on recent events, I must first start by looking inside. I am a Life Path number 1. A type A personality and a bit of a workaholic and definitely not lazy. I will avoid that which I do not understand and have real difficulty asking for help.

I am a firm believer in "there is no I in Team". Work with me and the results will be astounding. Work against me and you will meet the "bull in the china shop".

Recent events have caused me to re-evaluate my life and goals. My partner decided that he wants his cake and to eat it to. This does not sit well with me. It has absolutely floored me that he has no respect for me. My friend also shows she has no respect for me. Choosing to follow her heart means she is stomping on my friendship, stomping on my feelings and stealing that which is mine.

I am at a cross roads.

Fight for what I have... do not loose sight of my goal (a house, a partner, financial freedom after being oppressed for so long).

Or step aside. Give in. Kick him to the curb. Start all over again. Rely solely on myself. Do not let another person in who could do me harm.

Option 1 will be a hard fight. Option 2 could turn out to be drastic.

Self-preservation must happen. I must be happy again.

I loved you unconditionally ~ Katy Perry
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjwZAa2EjKA